ANNIE GRIMES (she/her) is a 25-year-old writer from Conway, Arkansas. She received her MFA in May of 2024 from the College of Charleston in South Carolina, where she focused on crafting short stories. Her poetry has been featured in Rattle.

*Although we do sympathize with man-hating women who have experienced traumatic victimization at the hands of male perpetrators, our efforts are primarily focused on addressing the needs of The Everyday Woman. The woman who has been unconsciously led astray, and who wants to be free of this disease. 

When asked, ███ cannot pinpoint the precise moment she started to hate men. From a professional standpoint, her hatred appears the result of decades of misandrist propaganda disguised as female empowerment rather than any negative, personal experiences with male-identifying individuals. During our intake interview, she raised no red flags suggesting any of the following: Childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a formerly trusted male adult; A psychologically manipulative ex-boyfriend who pressured her into having unsatisfying sex for the first time while his parents were away at his younger brother’s baseball tournament; An absentee father who informed her, “The phone works both ways,” when she attempted to question his lack of involvement.

In fact, ███’s upbringing is markedly innocuous. During the brainstorming section of our meeting, she did note a few instances of catcalling, stalking, and workplace harassment, but nothing significant enough to indicate enduring trauma. She mentioned her two older brothers, both successful businessmen, but joked that she might actually be the family favorite, claiming that chores in her home were an equally-split, non-gendered endeavor. She confessed that her husband sometimes behaved in ways that upset her—she used the trigger phrase “Weaponized Incompetence” to describe his lack of knowledge regarding dishwasher optimization and stain removal—but stressed that she harbored no regret at having chosen him to be her life partner.

When shown a stock photo of a straight, white man smiling in a well-tailored suit, the first word that came to ███’s head was “Evil,” the most common response amongst our clients. Then she backtracked, attempting to sanitize her answer with the word “Uneasy,” stating that the man in the image presented her with a general feeling of low-level anxiety. When pushed for clarity, ███ admitted that something about the man’s face angered her, though she could not articulate what. She was aware that her feelings toward the male stranger were irrational, but she described their presence as operating almost like “elevator music” in the back of her mind. At one point, after the conversation had moved on from the man but his picture had yet to be removed from the table, ███ blurted out, “Why is he so happy?” The tone in which the question was posed suggested a belief that the man had no right to happiness.

After nearly an hour of back and forth, it grew increasingly evident that ███ possesses all the qualities of the ideal candidate for our two-week retreat. Her husband’s personal statement indicates that individual conversations have been insufficient in addressing her condition, and that our group-based approach may prove to generate more measurable results. When compared to similar cases, ███ has a strong likelihood of making a full recovery, that is if she is capable of remaining committed to our regimen of care.


The Welcome Dinner

On the first day of The Retreat, after the women have arrived at their cabin assignments and unpacked their belongings, there is a welcome dinner held in the main hall for all the clients and staff. The menu consists of three courses, our world-renowned chefs utilizing seasonal produce from the on-site garden to create delicious and nurturing meals.

Throughout the dinner, the women are encouraged to get to know one another. However, they are not allowed to talk about men during any of these conversations, and as a facilitator, it is your duty to listen carefully and implement corrections when necessary. The reasons for this conversational constriction are twofold. Firstly, the women receive an immediate and strong message about the focus of the retreat, which is not to exalt men but to unburden women of their man-hating thoughts. Ironically, women who outwardly hate men experience an inward turmoil when in the midst of this hate—the unnatural chafing of their need to blame men against their desire to be free of them. This point of friction, once felt, is difficult to unfeel.

Secondly, by forbidding men from the conversation, the women recognize the severity of their disease. It is worth mentioning that a noticeable silence often permeates the room at steady intervals, usually every few minutes, as the women collectively search for topics that don’t include their husbands, sons, or male colleagues at work. This exercise in restraint is the first step toward developing the knowledge we hope to instill within all of our clients by the end of their two-week stay: that their intense hatred of men only elevates the power men have over their thoughts, and therefore, the quality of their lives. It is important to note that during the welcome dinner at Retreat #27, ███ does not speak at all.


Outspoken and Argumentative Women

Early in the morning on the second day, the women go for a hike. The destination: the peak of the mountain that overlooks the nearby river. They pack small, retreat-issued bags with granola bars and water bottles, and they work together to help each other over the rockier terrain. Once at the peak, the women find a gathering of wooden chairs set up in a circle atop a flat rock that overlooks the mouth of the river. As a facilitator, it is important to allow the women to select their own seats, and to force them to, at least briefly, sit in the silence of their anticipation, nothing but the roar of the river to buoy them.

Then one woman, and it is important to note that at Retreat #27, it is not ███, will usually bite the bait of that structured silence and say something like, “Well, why are we here?” And then, as the facilitator, you can reflect this question back to the group.

“Why are we here?”

It is in the answer of this inquiry that a familiar archetype will most likely appear: The Outspoken Woman. Take notice of her emergence, as she will be your main point of contact throughout the following two weeks.

At Retreat #27, The Outspoken Woman is a financial wellness advisor from Detroit who has agreed to The Retreat in a last-ditch effort to save her crumbling marriage. In response to the question, she mentions that there are times when her feelings of hate toward her husband are so potent that she’ll lay awake at night, staring down at his face, peaceful with sleep, and imagine repeatedly punching him until his head is nothing more than flattened flesh against the pillow.

The other women in the circle concur with a series of murmurs that this overwhelming urge to physically harm their spouses is an unwelcome and troubling but alarmingly common visitor in their lives. It may sound bizarre, but such violent thoughts are among the chief symptoms reported by our clients. Typically, when admitting to such violence, the women note no significant marital issues beyond paltry disagreements—such as forgotten toilet seats or outward dissatisfaction at having to dress-up in a couple’s costume for a mutual friends’ Halloween party—which will beg the question: why are these women so angry?

Of course, allowing for the airing out of these admissions is all groundwork so you, the facilitator, can mine deeper.

When confronted with this question at Retreat #27, The Outspoken Woman takes a moment to compose her reply. With a significant amount of reluctance, she states that sometimes just looking at her husband makes her feel violent because she knows “he will never truly understand what it’s like.” The implication is: to be a woman, to be a victim of gendered hate.

But here in this implication lies the opportunity for illumination. So, you can ask, “But what about the hate you harbor toward your husband?”

It is here that a key crossroads emerges. If things go smoothly, the women will use this question as a springboard for self-reflection. If they do not, a new archetype will rear its ugly head: The Argumentative Woman.

It is important to note that at Retreat #27, the Argumentative Woman is ███. It is important to note that this is the first thing she says: “The hate stems from different places. Their hate is rooted in historical domination. My hate is reactionary.”

Whether or not her argument is valid is moot. The existence of her hate is the key component of the discussion. The purpose of The Retreat is to eradicate it.

So, you should say, “Can we not control our reactions?” This question returns the culpability to the perpetrator of hate, which in this case, is the woman. Though the indisputable logic of the statement may come across as harsh, and its framing as an inquiry may mistakenly be taken as belittling, its asking is a crucial move toward personal accountability.

The women will ponder this, and the direct receiver of the question will likely make a face of distaste, and one of the softer-spoken women, one who has up to this point in the discussion remained timid, may finally come forward.

“I’ve never actually harmed him,” she’ll say. “The thoughts are only thoughts. I would never actually hurt him.”

The rest of the women will agree that they too have never actually curled the fist, would never actually throw the punch. They will marvel at this truth, turn it over in their minds, and with a little guidance from you, recognize that the acknowledgement of an urge and the refusal to succumb to it is the first step toward overcoming that urge. If they are capable of refusing it, they are capable of eradicating its existence.

If you are lucky, the conversation will move toward brainstorming strategies for eradication. If you are unlucky, however, The Argumentative Woman will find her second wind.

At Retreat #27, ███ says, “That’s just it, though. That’s the problem. Men fantasize about violence against women all the time. The difference is they go through with it.”

It is imperative that you remain calm if or when this happens. As a facilitator, it is your job to maintain a position of authority. A comment like this may arouse the other women, causing them to momentarily revert to their man-hating mindsets, positioning them, once again, as nothing more than the victims of men. If mishandled, a comment like this can serve to unearth any seeds thus far planted. Upon impulse, you might want to correct the women like ███, you might want to say something like, “Some men go through with it. Not all men.”

You are strongly advised to avoid implementing this correction, no matter its legitimacy. Instead, this is a moment for calculated acknowledgement. An opportunity to provide a sense of understanding, the very trait The Outspoken Woman claimed all men lack. A better response is outlined as follows:
“It is true that violence against women at the hands of men is far greater than the inverse. However, it is also true that harboring hate in your heart for men because of this unfortunate fact is not a self-serving trait. It is one that interrupts your ability to build strong relationships with the men in your life, and therefore, your ability to live freely and happily.”

If delivered in a sincere enough tone, this monologue will bring the discussion to a reflective halt. The women will sit with the comforting discomfort of their revelations, and after an ample amount of ruminative silence, they will for the first time at The Retreat fully commit themselves to their own liberation.

Here, just as the silence begins to feel heavy, but before The Argumentative Women like ███ can reoccupy it, you have an opportunity to terminate the session by returning to the initial question that sparked it.

“So, why are we here?” you will ask, and the answer will be understood in its asking. 


Encouraging Healthy Bonds

As the next few days go by, the women will begin to bond. You will have to be careful about tracking the nature of this bond, ensuring that it is rooted in a shared goal rather than a gendered solidarity. Although The Retreat is devoted to the empowerment of women, their affinity for one another should not stem from their identities as women, as these kinds of sisterhood bonds have historically served as the breeding ground for misandrist rhetoric. Prior to The Retreat, these women have relied on hating men as vital connective tissue for their female friendships, and when left unchecked, they are liable to revert to this dependence.

Instead, it is crucial that the cohort of women bond through the completion of team-building tasks. So, during the mornings, the women will spend many hours a day tending to the surrounding farmland, the fruits of their labor going to supply the ingredients for the food they will consume at the mandatory, communal meals.

Interspersed throughout these responsibilities are lectures from guest speakers—men who provide firsthand testimonies about the ways misandry has harmed them, and former women graduates who supplement these testimonies by explaining how ridding themselves of man-hating thoughts has been freeing. The cohort of women are tasked with keeping a journal, which is turned in every morning at 9:00 AM to be read by the facilitators and returned every afternoon at 5:00 PM to be updated the same night. Outside of these hours of work, the women are free to roam the land and engage with each other however they please. This freedom, however, does not mean that supervision within the retreat is nonexistent. It is important, as a facilitator, to have an intimate knowledge of each woman and her journey through both attentive observation of her behavior and interactions, as well as critical analysis of her journal entries. The truth is, some women require a more hands-on approach than others.

It is at this point at Retreat #27 that ███ will reveal herself to be This Kind of Woman. Her journal entries, and those of the women like her, will always be characterized by their lack of humility and refusal to look inward. While the other, less resistant women will likely utilize a self-reflective tone in their entries—applying the anecdotes gained through attending the day’s lectures to strategies for their own growth—women like ███ will, as their archetype suggests, assume argumentative voices, engaging with the guest speakers as critics rather than students.

It is vital not to publicly, or even privately, reprimand These Kinds of Women. The most effective approach for breaking down their resistance is ignoring it. Even more so, ensuring that the other women ignore it. One strategy: pull the other women aside one by one in non-suspicious settings—such as during their private walks or breaks between lectures—to express your concerns under the guise of “looking out” for the listener’s wellbeing. Starting with The Outspoken Woman first is the wisest course of action, ensuring that the information is dispensed promptly due to her extroverted and vociferous nature. As their bonds with one another strengthen, they will begin to pull away from those who threaten that strength, and The Argumentative Woman will start to feel like an outsider amongst the group.

This sense of ostracization can manifest in one of two ways. The Argumentative Woman, feeling left out, could begin to soften, slowly dropping her resistance for the community promised on the other side of her stubbornness—the woman-centered community she has relied on for the entirety of her life. This is the ideal outcome. However, this sense of being an outsider could enrage the woman farther, causing her to descend deeper into the depths of her anger.

It is important to note that at Retreat #27, when The Outspoken Woman and the other women begin to pull away from ███, she will choose option two. This may seem bleak, but there is a way to salvage her image within the group enough to turn her failure into a teaching opportunity. There is a way to make out of her An Example.


Making An Example

The final and most crucial activity of the retreat takes place at the mouth of the river. Wooden easels are placed in the shallowest and calmest water, and the women wade out knee deep to paint portraits of the most important men in their lives from memory. Most of the women paint their husbands, and the ones with children paint their sons, and some even wet the brushes and prepare the canvases for the likenesses of their fathers.

Most of the women are not painters, so their portraits will inevitably turn out poorly. Through participation in the exercise, they begin to recognize that recreating someone—even a loved one—without any reference beyond the mind is a difficult task. During the artistic process, they are forced to think deeply about the contours, intricacies, and idiosyncrasies of their loved one’s face. They strongly desire to be faithful to their muse, but in turn, the majority of the women find that they have butchered the men completely. A creeping feeling of guilt begins to settle in, and the slightest bit of perspective shift has been set in motion.

Once all the paintings are finished and set up on display in a clearing nearby, you as a facilitator can explore this guilt. You can ask the women how the activity made them feel.

The Outspoken Woman will likely say that the activity was harder than she imagined it would be, and many of the women will agree. They will take turns delivering their artist’s statements, pointing to the too near-set eyes, the oversized chins and bungled proportions of their husbands, and fathers, and sons, and they will admit that even when we think we know someone, we might not know them at all.

The Argumentative Woman will have painted something different entirely. She will have painted something like a faithful recreation of the river, or a vaguely vaginal-looking flower, or in ███’s case, the back of her own head as it descends the unlit pathway of an unmarked alley. It will be clear that, in her eyes, this action serves to be some kind of protest. It is essential that you do not give her this power.

When you come upon her painting in line, you will be best served by skipping her artist's statement entirely. She will likely protest being ignored in this manner, too, and although it might be tempting to engage with her anger, dismissing it is the smarter course of action. This dismissal will only cause The Argumentative Woman to grow angrier. She may begin to scream. She may begin to kick the easels over, grabbing the canvases and breaking them one-by-one across her knee. She’ll most likely yell things like, “Oh, so now you don’t have anything to say? So now you want to be civil?” Accusations disguised as questions.

Once she realizes that you are not going to engage, she will likely turn to the other women present. She will grab The Outspoken Woman’s hand, fall to her knees, scream, “Can’t you see that we’re being manipulated? Can’t you see what’s happening here?”

She will be relying on the outdated idea that simply because she is a woman, other women must support her without question. But The Outspoken Woman will turn to look at you, something akin to fear in her eyes. You will nod, having become a symbol of safety, or perhaps more importantly, authority in her life. The other women will glance your way too, waiting for your action. Now is the opportune moment to strike.

It is imperative that you approach The Argumentative Woman slowly, so you’re not falsely accused of mal intent. You should grab her respectively, under the armpits, and remain tender in your touch even as she thrashes. She will likely yell things like, “Let go of me! You’re assaulting me! This man is assaulting me!” You must remain calm when this happens.

The other women, having devoted themselves to the process of shedding their man-hating mindsets, will utilize their newly acquired perspective to categorize her behavior as irrational, emotional, and unbecoming.

It is not ideal, but it is unavoidable. Not every woman can be helped. However, you will be able to walk away knowing you have done everything you could to help her. The remaining women will shift to become your sole focus, new recruits for the better world our organization envisions, and it will be as though ███ and the women like her never even existed.

Intake Report #57

Who We Are

The Retreat was founded upon the inalienable truth that women and men are equal. Though critics argue our organization ignores the historical context of patriarchal inequality, after sufficient interrogation, these accusations fall flat. Our organization has never endorsed the irresponsible idea that women are not discriminated against in modern society. No matter the leaps made, the lasting effects of a former patriarchal power structure continue to negatively affect women, and our mission has always been and will continue to be the social, political, and personal liberation of our female clients.

However, the epidemic of misandry has evolved in recent years. No longer are jokes about hating men simply comedic coping mechanisms, but a diagnosable social disease prevalent among women in their twenties and thirties. An over-correction has occurred in our culture, one exacerbated by social media desensitization and fourth-wave feminism, where women have been unconsciously indoctrinated by man-hating ideology, and in turn, have adopted the hatred of men as the core pillar of their personalities and identities. We have witnessed this man-hating culture erode at the very foundation of our marriages and long-term relationships, and our purpose is to put an end to its reign of terror.


What We Do

The Retreat is located on 135 acres on the edge of a river, home to a farm and five cabins, where cohorts of ten women from all over the country are brought together twelve times a year for two-week, intensive residencies meant to facilitate the unlearning of their harmful, man-hating mindsets. The women are placed in roommate pairs based on the severity of their conditions as determined by an on-site counselor, and their days are booked with lectures and activities meant to illuminate the humanity that we believe is inherent in every human being, and therefore, every man.

Our female clients are recruited via a plethora of channels, the most common being therapist recommendations and family member nominations. Although not all of our clients come to learn about The Retreat through their own research and interest, we take pride in the fact that our treatments are completely optional, and that any client can choose to opt out at any time. With this in mind, it is a considerable accomplishment that in the nearly five years of our organization’s existence, only four women have failed to graduate from the program.


Your Role

As a facilitator, you play a pivotal role in maintaining The Retreat’s mission. You are the eyes, ears, and mouthpiece of our organization. By being vocal and visible leaders within our rotating communities, you help to ensure that our shared societal future is a more equitable one. The treatment methods and activities you will learn about in this introductory guidebook will serve as the groundwork for your day-to-day functions.

Of course, every woman is different, and thus every woman will require a particular approach. However, it is also true that our clients tend to chart similar journeys through The Retreat, typically starting with a palpable level of skepticism, and through the completion of our curriculum, growing to become more susceptible to persuasion. Overall, it is your primary and most important job to maintain a professional level of authority and control when facilitating. There is room for improvisation—it will surely be a requirement in certain instances of human unpredictability—but even the most-renowned improv performers pull from a knowledge base of best practices.

To aide in the production of this knowledge base, this guidebook will be interspersed with anecdotes from Retreat #27, particularly the journey of one woman who proved to be one of the more difficult cases to address. The details from the facilitator’s notes remain untouched, but the client’s name has been redacted to ensure privacy.


Example Intake Report

Client Name: ██████
Client Birthday: 12/14/1999