Translated from Danish
I PERCEIVE SELF-HATE AS A NECESSARY SKILL
self-hate is not a psychological state
self-hate is an attitude i deem necessary
destructive is my normal state
the sand is soft with longing
the sea is soft with longing
humankind is soft with longing
the sand has hardened with longing
the sea has hardened with longing
humankind has hardened with longing
to regard safety as a positive trait
to regard wealth as a positive trait
to regard luck as a positive trait
coziness as a personal quality
in line with safety and wealth
and luck
to flaunt the above
to have a good and rich face
to have a feel-good personality
your staggering lack of self-hate
your intolerable lack of self-hate
your unacceptable lack of self-hate
your unacceptable, additive worldview
my path to destruction is via self-destruction
my path to the destruction of everything that MUST
be destroyed is via self-destruction
my path to the necessary destruction of all that MUST
be destroyed is via exercises in self-destruction
self-destructions are but études (military exercises)
REMEMBER
the actual annihilation will also destroy those
who must be destroyed
i enter my own spring, and in there i do it
i do all that is necessary
all the killings that must be committed
i commit in there
i enter my own terrible spring, and in there i do it
i do all that is necessary
all the births that must be committed
i commit in there
it is me i kill
it is NOT me i give birth to
autonomy but NOT as NOT thinking of others
autonomy as ruthlessness toward power
insofar as possible
autonomy as ruthlessness toward one’s own lack of power
insofar as possible
the necessary suicide:
to board the orb
buckle in
to send off the hating i
first AS escape, then AS
resurrection
the goal is to have a personality type that feels fortified
and justified, perhaps even revived and delivered
when met with resistance, reluctance, scorn and derision
is the goal to have a personality type that feels fortified
and justified, perhaps even revived and delivered
when met with resistance, reluctance, scorn and derision?
the hope to
always feel fortified and justified
to not have a personality
what big eyes i have
the better to hate me with
what big ears i have
the better to hate me with
what a terrible big mouth i have
the better to eat me with
it is no one else’s doing
i am eating myself up from within
restlessly
as mentioned
i have closed myself around itself
in a closed circuit
/orb
which i will send off as the outgoing
vessel that it is
after which the new human can arrive in its
incoming
the precision of a prayer is crucial
the ant will be my totem animal
i hate ants
they must be me
and i must be them
i pray that:
i can carry my own weight 100 times
i can survive under water for several hours
my exoskeleton renders me practically immortal
beneath my exoskeleton a whole world exists, the whole world
my exterior is the celestial concave that my interior needs
everything sings
i give zero fucks about death
i will think of nothing but growth
Ursula Andkjær Olsen was born and raised in Copenhagen. She made her literary debut in 2000 and has since published nine collections of poetry and one novel. Olsen has received numerous grants and awards for her work, including the prestigious Montanaprisen for Det 3. årtusindes hjerte (Third-Millennium Heart) and the Danish Critics’ Prize for its sequel, Udgående Fartøj (Outgoing Vessel).
Katrine Øgaard Jensen is the recipient of several fellowships and awards, including the 2018 National Translation Award in Poetry for her translation of Third-Millennium Heart by Ursula Andkjær Olsen (Action Books/Broken Dimanche Press, 2017). Her translation of Ursula Andkjær Olsen’s Outgoing Vessel is forthcoming from Action Books in March 2021. She lives in New York where she teaches creative writing and literary translation at Columbia University.