I was doing this messed up thing

It was the way I was way back
in my old emails
I was a younger, magical realist based on
everyone I knew, I was asking
what everyone thought
I was a personality quickly
my hair was too much
in Europe I was glued to my email palace
glued to my email shrine
I felt nervous about the heat
my roommate was unbearable
in the deeper parts of life
I would look really loud
ok in the mirror and want to applaud

Everyone was so much

everyone was going on fantasizing about impossible sex
marrying how to why and it was like how could I watch
but I was driven to watch what they were
it was like they were
I couldn’t believe my mistake I would imagine
and I would think oh shit
I would think I had ruined my life
in a loop I could still get lost
in a loop I was too scared of