I was doing this messed up thing

It was the way I was way back
 in my old emails
 I was a younger, magical realist based on
 everyone I knew, I was asking
 what everyone thought
 I was a personality quickly
 my hair was too much
 in Europe I was glued to my email palace
 glued to my email shrine
 I felt nervous about the heat
 my roommate was unbearable
 in the deeper parts of life
 I would look really loud
 ok in the mirror and want to applaud

Everyone was so much

 everyone was going on fantasizing about impossible sex
 marrying how to why and it was like how could I watch
 but I was driven to watch what they were
 it was like they were
 I couldn’t believe my mistake I would imagine
 and I would think oh shit
 I would think I had ruined my life
 in a loop I could still get lost
 in a loop I was too scared of