Various Boners
Joe Sacksteder

Cover the Earth

Thank you valued customer. That is correct, a gallon of Sherwin Williams Duration covers approximately 350 to 450 square feet depending on the surface and how thick you apply it. Thank you valued customer. A google search of planet earth’s square footage shows that your estimate is correct, about 5.5 quadrillion (I didn’t even know the name for that many zeros!). Thank you valued customer. Although we keep sales records, they are in dollars rather than gallons of paint. We doubt that we have sold sixteen trillion gallons of paint. We have work to do. You have work to do. Of course, you must realize we’ve covered lots of the earth with multiple coats. Take some eighty grit to your bedroom wall, the smaller bedroom: Forward Fuschia, Casa Blanca, Underseas. What were they thinking? Thank you valued customer. Certainly the oceans present a problem, but painting your sister’s house last night you poured perhaps a quarter quart down the sink rather than saving it. All mountains have their descents towards the seas, which are the lowest and proper mansions of waters; and waters, descending naturally, do always resort unto the seas environing those lands. Only a tiny fraction of our oceans is paint. Only a tiny fraction of our oceans is fish.

Thank you, thank you, thank you valued customer. But here at Sherwin Williams we don’t require a vision of the future.

Pages: 1 2 3